Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
