Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize