I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
