Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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