did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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