wanna go halves on a baby?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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