One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize