I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
