i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
