I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
