I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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