I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
