I wanna bring you to show and tell
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
