Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
