He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
