He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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