All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
