Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
