At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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