im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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