awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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