That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
