Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
