She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
