i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
