her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
