I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Randomize
