i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
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