At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
