Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
