i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
She is in my trunk
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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