yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
