you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
