My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize