i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
