That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
