Soap is not a condiment
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Randomize
