I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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