Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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