My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize