Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You were trust falling into bushes
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
