So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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