I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize