I can text with my tongue
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
