Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
