we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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