FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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