Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
There r osticjed everywhere
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
