We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
