Just fell off a train. Bad.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize