Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
