I'm lost and stupid without you.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
