Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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