I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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