no, he came in my armpit
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
