Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
