Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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