no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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