i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
