you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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