Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
