you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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