I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
