I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
